Friday, December 12, 2008

The Questionnaire Extraordinaire

Wherein Pat asks Andy the pertinent questions:

1. What time did you get up this morning? Which time? I was up all night with a dog diarhea situation so up at 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 am.
2. Diamonds or pearls? See this is why I hate these quiz things...why do I have to choose? It depends on the outfit. Well, I mean, I think it's just which one do you like better? Dishes in pearls, no dishes, diamonds. What? What do dishes have to do with anything? Why are there dishes involved? You mean as in you're DOING the dishes? Why would you be doing dishes in Diamonds OR Pearls? Honey, there's always dishes in life, haven't you figured that out yet? Particularly in My Life.
3. What was the last film you saw at the theatre? That Reese Witherspoon Vince Vaughn Christmas Thing. Kind of stupid.
4. What is your favorite TV show? Celebrity Rehab...what does that say about me?
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Tab followed by a nice big Diet Coke
6. What is your middle name? Don't have one. Me either, but sometimes I use Peterson. Do you ever use Eccles? Unlike you, I don't need a middle name..you seem to have some emotionally needy deal with a middle name and I just really don't give a rats butt.
7. What food do you dislike? Anything fishy, or fishlike, smelling or tasting of fish or fish related.
8. What is your favorite CD at moment? I put the Josh Grobin Christmas CD in my car but I haven't listened to it yet. So how can it be your favorite? Well, it's not my FAVORITE it's just the one I'm planning on listening to right now. But I think the question is "favorite". Again, that's why I hate these kind of things. Why do I have to chose? Sometimes these questions are hard. Why is that hard? That doesn't seem like a really tough question, I'm not asking you to explain Photosynthesis, just you know "what kind of music do you like?" Yeah but see there's something else behind that question because it kind of sets it up as a way to judge my taste doesn't it? I mean if I say Cher (which I wouldn't but you know what I'm saying) if I say Cher then people are going to judge me for that. And I just feel like that's giving people too much insight too much power into an opinion about who I am and I'm just not going to go there. Gosh. Yeah Gosh...NEXT!
9. What kind of car do you drive? Ford Explorer.
10. Favorite sandwich? Tomato Mozzarella from Pane Bianco
11. What characteristic do you despise? (long sigh) oh so very many....tardiness, but sometimes I'm tardy. I hate liars and I hate bullshitters.
12. Favorite item of clothing? Anything which does not bug, anything which does not require a bra.
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Back to London or anywhere in the UK.
14. Favorite brand of clothing? Burberry
15. Where would you retire to? Cold with trees.
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? I try to forget them
17. Favorite sport to watch? Anything my kids are in. Football is boring until your kid is playing...suddenly it isn't.
18. Furthest place you are sending this? What sending? I'm just answering here...don't start making additional requirements on my time...
19. Person you expect to send it back first? What? Nevermind.
20. When is your birthday? June
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? Morning...in a way. What does that mean "in a way". Well it means that I'm sure as hell not a night person, at night I just konk out like my battery is suddenly dead and we don't have jumper cables. And I get a lot done in the morning. But his whole night vs. morning person thing always sounds to me like we're secretly saying that you like one or the other better and really, I prefer night. I like it when it's time to snuggle up and konk out. So it's complicated. And somewhere in all of this I'm afraid, again, you want way too much information. My Andy...we're becoming a bit paranoid aren't we? Whose this "we"? Don't start talking to me like I'm a three year old or a mental patient.
22. What is your shoe size? 8 or 9
23. Pets? Uno Dog. What about the cats? I've made it quite clear that those cats are neither our pets, nor is this their "home". But they were your cats and they do live there right? The cats and I have have a very implicit agreement, I will feed them, they need to ask nothing in return. I already have a diahrea prone dog, I refuse to deal with feline neediness as well.
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? sadly no.
25. What did you want to be when you were little? I wanted to be little...I wanted to be thin! I don't think that's what it means, I think it means profession. Well I think I thought about wanting to be thin a lot more than I thought about a profession.
26. How are you today? honestly I little bit sick. Do you think humans can catch flu from dogs?
27. What is your favorite candy? Pure Godiva unadulterated chocolate.
28. What is your favorite flower? Calla Lillies
29. What day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Friday.
30. What is your favorite pastime? I think it's a trick question. Refuse to answer. What? Why? Because I would say read but I can't read without proper glasses, and then I start thinking about how I really need decent glasses but maybe can't afford to get them fixed right now and then it's depressing. So your simple little question about a favorite pastime has just caused me to start to feel despondent about my life right now. See what you've done? Well...can't you think of something that just makes you happy? Yeah...having strangers rub me makes me happy. Yikes. You know what I mean. A MASSAGE. Does it have to be strangers? Preferably, but I'll take my husband in a pinch. As far as I'm concerned I'd 1000% rather have a back rub than have sex. No you wouldn't, that's ridiculous. Don't tell me what's ridiculous, I'm dead serious! See now you're irritating me with this question. Let's move on.
31. What are you listening to right now? My husband wandering around asking questions and I'm pretending I can't hear him.
32. What was the last thing you ate? Swiss cheese. Do you like swiss cheese? I like it, but a lot of people don't. I think the swiss knew what they were doing when they made that cheese so yes, I embrace it whole heartedly. That sounds weird. Well your question about "do you like swiss cheese?" was sort of wistful and weird.
33. Do you wish on stars? No, we live in the city. Well you can still wish on stars. I can't freaking see the stars so the answer is no. Maybe if I had better glasses I could see them...see where this is going right back to despondent again because you're going to make me wish I lived in Flagstaff and that I had better glasses.
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Black. Yikes. You should never answer like that - just from a psychological perspective, just so you know, black is a very suspect answer. Don't care, suspect away, the answer is black.
35. How is the weather right now? Boring.
36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? well normally I could just say you on any given day without hesitation but today it was Tony calling me wanting to come home from the hospital.
37. Favorite soft drink? TAB
38. Favorite restaurant? Pita Jungle, Indian Delhi Palace, Pane Bianco...lots.
39. Real hair color? Ugly
40. What was your favorite toy as a child? Baseball glove. I would say softball bat but then you're going to start making lesbian insinuations. You really didn't realize there's a lesbian bias inherent in softball? No, I really didn't. I just knew that barbie needed to be burned at the stake and I loved softball.
41. Summer or winter? WINTER
42. Hugs or kisses? Depends by who. Yeah but you know you gate hugs more than almost anything in the world. Okay you're right, kisses.
43. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
44. Coffee or tea? Both disgusting.
45. Do you want your friends to email you back? Nevermind, we'll skip that.
46. When was the last time you cried? I have no idea. I don't cry.
47. What is under your bed? The remains of my dead father in law. WHAT? I mean just his crap - his military stuff or whatever, not HIS remains.
48. What did you do last night? Put my husband in the hospital. I typical night for the Wheats.
49. What are you afraid of ? Not much. That's not true. What do you mean? Okay I'm afraid of never having decent teeth, I'm afraid I won't be able to quit eating dessert. No you have bigger fears than that. Like WHAT? Like when you call me because you have to drive out to the desert and you don't like it. Oh yeah, well I definitely hate the desert. Queen Creek being a prime contender for place I fear the most.
50. Salty or sweet? sweet
51. How many keys on your key ring? 6
52. How many years at your current job?15
53. Favorite day of the week? Friday I guess. None really. Why not? Well because even though you're always singing that "friday, friday, friday is my favorite day" song, I really don't think friday is any different than any other day. Well how about Saturday? Nope, worse because that's the day you try to catch up on everything you couldn't get done all week. Okay Sunday. Nope because you have all those church obligations and the whole day is just shot to hell. So I stick with my original answer "none".
54. How many towns have you lived in? 3 Counting Mesa.
55. Do you make friends easily? Yes

4 comments:

Cynthia said...

You are such a deep thinker. A black crayon . . . that must mean something. A beautiful box of 64 brand new crayons and you lean toward black? I guess the question is not picking a crayon color, but being a crayon color. But black? In the crayon world, that is a non-color. How about Periwinkle? Wait, no . . . that is what I would be. How about "spring green", or "tickle me pink".
I think you need to pick a favorite day of the week. or at least a favorite moment of the week. How about Thursday, late afternoons. There are no end of the week deadlines, no weekend pressures.
btw - I am now judging you for liking Cher music.

Bandanamom said...

I think Andy here might be a bit depressed if Andy were capable of being depressed. I mean, when your really think about it, who but a very depressed person says "black". AS THOUGH SHE'S THOUGHT ABOUT IT A LOT. Just quick like that "black!". Even when I gave her a chance to take it back she didn't. She's not actually capable of being depressed because she doesn't have time for such frivolity. But still...some of those answers!

Shando said...

I must say that the color black is a very crisp,clean,calm, serene almost happy color. You all are strange negative people judging me on my favorite crayon color!

I will be honest that I do have an issue with the transparencey of a black crayon. I would prefer if the black crayon is a solid opaqueness ( is that a word?) of say... black paper or maybe a shiny black pool ball and not that cruddy waxy color of a crayon.

Tickly me pink, spring green, those crayons are for sissys!

rachel said...

Hahaha this was hilarious